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Wacky and Zany Courtroom Hi Jinks
(by Gary Godfrey - January 18, 2010)
Webster defines Hi Jinks as horseplay. The following are taken from the court room.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July Fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reebok shoes.
Q: How old is your son? The one living with you?
A: 38 or 35? I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is you IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Associations journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses give by insightful witnesses:
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at the time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: none
Q: Were there any girls?
Lets get one thing perfectly straight. If you need an attorney, check him out thoroughly, and perhaps ask him a few questions of your own.
This week’s bottom line: Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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